That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
