You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
