She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
as a side note pls kill me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
