Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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