I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
