At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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