I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
