I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
