I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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