I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
