You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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