The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
