Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
