why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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