watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
