man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
