Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
