You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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