If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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