You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
