Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i drank out of a bidet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
