White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
