They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
