She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
