hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
