I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
