If that was your dad, he is hot
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
me + whiskey = a bad person
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I touched a dick in church today
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