he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
