i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
