I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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