The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
