clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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