Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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