So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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