im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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