Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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