yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
