My balls are so social today.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
