I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
