If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
