1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
