Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
