wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize