I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
