Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
