I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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