Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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