I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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