im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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