i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
