if only i could text you this smell
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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