He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
