Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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