yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
