any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
