We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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